How Not To Be A Big, Huge Jerk To Me Right Now

This post is going to be angry. Fair warning.

  1. It is in no way my responsibility, or J’s, to comfort you.
  2. If you can’t say anything supportive, or kind, about the situation (and that’s fine. Everybody has feelings and you are perfectly entitled to however you feel.), you need to not say anything, at least to us. FULL STOP.
  3. Comfort in, Dump OUT. 
  4. Please read and fully comprehend Item #3. I have had some unhelpful and horrifically inappropriate comments made to me and I am DONE dealing with them.
  5. J and I have made our decision, together. You, as much as you may love me, are not a part of that decision. And you need to respect our choice. Even if you don’t agree with it, you need to respect it. (And yes, there is a huge, wonderful difference between agreement with and respect of.)(If you don’t understand this difference, you should probably not say anything to me right now because I am not explaining it to you. I don’t have the energy for it.)
  6. If you can’t say anything because you don’t know what to say, or you aren’t all that great in a crisis, that’s perfectly fine. Honestly. I totally get it. It’s a difficult situation all around and I have many other people who are, fortunately, really great at being a support network right now. Sit this one out if you need to. (P.S. I do very much love you.)
  7. I don’t owe anyone an explanation on why, specifically, we are deciding to end this pregnancy. If you think you are personally owed one, you are very sadly mistaken.
  8. J and I are allowed to grieve however we need to. You need to respect that as well.
  9. Do not attack, or beg us to change our minds, or question our choices under the guise of loving me, or J, or this embryo. It is not helpful. It is inappropriate, disrespectful of my express wishes, and it makes me either have a crying jag, a panic attack, or have the urge to rip out people’s throats and then smash plates.
  10. You have no fucking idea how we feel. Do not presume to.

Thankfully, this post is only for a few people it seems but damn, I really fucking need you to take it to heart. To everyone else, thank you for your kind thoughts, personal accounts of your experiences (really, to those women who have reached out and talked with me about your positive experiences with abortion, I cannot thank you enough. You were, and are, a huge comfort in a difficult time.), continued prayers, silly links for distractions, offers to listen, and endless, overwhelmingly positive and compassionate support for J and I. We will never be able to express how grateful we are to you and for you.


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