Today I went to the ER for depression (more on that later when I’m less…muddled). But there were some bight spots in what would otherwise been one of the worst days of my life.
- Elise brought over “get well soon” gifts from her and Linnea of a lily, a bag full of Cadbury Creme eggs (which I’m fairly certain I’d never had before)(it also came with the information that 1) it was chocolate because that helps with the Dementors, and 2) they hoped it would help EGGS-TERMINATE my sads. Which, ok. That is awesome.), and a freaking Doctor Who activity book. It has “void vision” glasses, you guys. Right on the first page. I die.
- The fact that the nurse who brought in the juice to help terrible thirst and low blood sugar asked me “apple, orange, or both?” and the smile that lit up her face when I told her “THAT ONE”.
- That I now have a plan of attack to get me better. It’s a step, but as Elise said “it’s a HUGE step! It’s an EVEREST SIZED step!”.
- That I didn’t pass out when they drew my blood (it’s a 50-50 shot anytime I need blood work done) AND that I don’t seem to be bruised where they drew it. Seriously, when I get stuck by needles, that’s the best I can possibly hope for.
- Eggs. Holy shit, that omelette I had when I was discharged was exactly what I needed. I feel like Erica would be pleased that eggs were my comfort food today.
- That I get to go to sleep soon and I have tomorrow off (work release yay!) so I can rest. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. A truck of shitty emotions. It’s not a perfect metaphor, I’ll admit that.
- How outstandingly kind everyone was to me about everything. I felt over-dramatic (I’m not) and needy (still not) and like a bother (not that either) about how I need help and support because I was scared and overwhelmed and just couldn’t hold it together and I know all of that was the depression lying to me because depression is a lying sack of shit, but oh. Man. You guys. I was blown away with the amount of support that flooded in on Twitter and in text messages, all the people telling me that I was brave and they were thinking of me and that they were supporting me from afar and to contact them if I needed to and that they love, love, loved me. I cried a lot today, A LOT, because of all the kindness that I experienced. I am so grateful to you. So, so grateful.
More later. Thank you all again. I love you too, you know.