Chiaroscuro

Hey. It’s been a while.

I’m sorry.
I know that I don’t need to say that I’m sorry to you. I know that I don’t need to explain why I’ve been gone, or how I’ve been feeling, or how I am today.
These days, there are so many more Good Days than Bad Days.
But oh. There are days like today where it just feels like I have overdosed on joy for all my friends about potential new jobs and possible new places for new lives and newborn babies and new engagements and I am so happy. I am so damn happy for everyone. And then I turn and look on my life and I see so little of the Big Joys for myself and I just…
I get so sad. Because everything they have is something that I don’t. That I’m not even close to having. And it just throws everything into stark relief.
I know it isn’t a race.
But I’m so tired of feeling like I’m standing still.
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